Maybe the kids have been climbing the walls because it’s too cold to play outside, or now it’s your turn to have the flu. On those especially long days as a stay-at-home parent, just knowing someone is on his way home to help out brings relief. It’s a luxury single parents don’t have and one that co-parents shouldn’t take for granted.
In her book From High Heels to Bunny Slippers (Capitol Books, 2008), Christine Conners urges stay-at-home moms to “resist the temptation to dump the baby in your husband’s arms the minute he comes home from a long day at work.” The transition from work to home can ease the stress from a bad day he, too, might have had. “Give him a chance to unwind, change his clothes, and reacclimate,” writes Conners, a psychotherapist and counselor with a master's degree in marriage and family counseling. “Then dump the baby in his arms!”
The Realities of Stay-at-Home Parenting
Gone are the good ol’ days of June Cleaver, who always had a home-cooked supper waiting when Ward came home from work. A parent who works outside the home sometimes walks into a noisy home scattered with books and toys. Chaos. While a commute helps some working parents transition home after a long day, it’s still important to give the other parent some breathing room after he walks through the door.
A stay-at-home mom has the right to expect a breather when her hubby comes home, insists Carin Goldstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist in an April 20, 2010, question-and-answer column for Momversation. But be careful. “Just because your husband is ‘physically’ walking into the house does not necessarily mean that he has ‘mentally’ made the transition yet and if you bombard him the moment he sets foot into the house, chances are he will naturally go into defense mode,” Goldstein tells Momversation managing editor Jennifer Brandt.
Why Working Spouses Need Time to Transition
Goldstein goes on to say that men aren’t as proficient at multitasking as women, so be patient. Give him an opportunity to come inside and greet you and the kids. Then give him some space to do what he needs to do (go to the bathroom, change his clothes, scan the mail, etc.) so he can shift his focus from work to your family's needs. A few minutes can make a big difference.
To some moms, Goldstein’s advice wasn’t appreciated, however. Talon, a forum reader, posted this comment: “If I don't get transition time from being in a dead sleep to dealing with a feverish toddler in the middle of the night, my husband can sack up and take a crumbsnatcher when he gets home from work and put a little effort into the home life he takes for granted.”
How SAHMs Can Avoid Disagreements
Goldstein’s point isn’t to coddle your husband but to encourage him into a mode that will ultimately help you and your kids instead of adding stress to the situation. Save hubby bombardments for the days when you have a splitting headache and, therefore, no choice. Or call him on his way home and ask if he’ll take over when he arrives so you can dive into a bubble bath.
Stay-at-home moms and dads help co-parents transition from work to home after a long day by giving them some space when they walk through the door. Around-the-clock parenting and working outside the home each has its own set of occupational challenges. Giving your partner a few minutes to wind down after coming home from work sets the tone that you’re willing to work together and give a little more now in order to take a few minutes for yourself later.
Source:
Brandt, Jennifer. "Should My Husband Take Over the Minute He Gets Home?" Momversation Website (accessed Dec. 28, 2010.)
Tricia Masenthin - Tricia Masenthin is a freelance journalist and blogger.
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