Before the stay-at-home mom quit her office job, she dreamed of a day when she would serve as the primary caregiver to her children. Afternoons of baking cookies and story telling would replace long, boring board meetings. The house would be cleaner and she would finally find ample time for volunteering – an opportunity to give back to the community she loves.
Fast forward to today. The stay-at-home mom who volunteers serves a vital role in her community. And so do stay-at-home dads. They bake extra cookies for holiday parties, serve as room parents and Scouts leaders, provide carpool services for the neighborhood kids and answer phones for nonprofit organizations. The list goes on.
Reasons Stay-at-Home Moms Volunteer
Their reasons for volunteering vary. Some see it as a way to “give back to society” in exchange for their economic situation allowing them the “privilege” of staying home with their children, write Karine Moe and Dianna Shandy in their book Glass Ceilings & 100-Hour Couples (University of Georgia Press, 2010).
Others look toward the future. Some view volunteering “as a way to grow and prepare for future paid work,” according to Drs. Moe and Shandy. Volunteering allows them the opportunity to learn new skills and sharpen current abilities. “These skills can then be parlayed into bullet points on a future résumé,” write Drs. Moe and Shandy. And because some don’t view stay-at-home parent status as a job title, some 24/7 moms and dads volunteer in order to maintain a particular identity.
After having two children, Amanda Storm wanted to do her part to give back. Saying no didn’t come easy for this stay-at-home mom from Kansas. But eventually, saying yes led to volunteer burnout. “It started for me gradually,” Mrs. Storm said in an interview with Suite101.com. “I always thought when I worked, I would volunteer because I’d have time to give back to the community.”
The schools her children attended needed help. So did her church. “I was a Girl Scouts troop leader, volunteering at two schools, a board member and an aerobics instructor,” Mrs. Storm said. “It was too much. I was so stressed and crabby. I kept telling myself, ‘If I can just get through this week, next week will be better.’ It didn’t seem to do that – ever.”
How to Say No to Volunteering
Mrs. Storm already realized she had hit burnout mode when her husband suggested she reconsider her volunteer commitments. He urged her to remember why she became a stay-at-home mom. In the end, she decided to curtail her volunteer commitments a bit. She’s still serving as a troop leader and helping out at church and school, but she’s trying to limit herself to one volunteer commitment at a time at each place.
And sometimes, Mrs. Storm says, you just have to say no. “When you’re known as the person who does things, everyone comes to you. And if as a person, you’re the type of person who goes all out, you tend to do that in volunteer work,” she said. Looking back, she can see how stay-at-home parents grow overcommitted: Volunteering fills a void for some SAHMs because of the tendency for society to invalidate their full contributions.
Mrs. Storm’s new way of approaching volunteer work quickly paid off. She’s able to prepare dinner while her children learn at school, and the dinner hour isn’t as hectic. There’s more time and patience to help with homework too. “That’s helped make my family healthier,” Mrs. Storm said. “It’s more important if my husband and kids think I’m contributing to their lives instead of what some Joe Schmo thinks I’m contributing to society.”
How to Avoid Volunteer Burnout
When approaching volunteer work, remember to enjoy yourself. “It’s important to volunteer if you can remain cheerful and unstressed. Otherwise, it’s a gift to no one,” Mrs. Storm said. Here are her tips for stay-at-home moms and dads who want to avoid volunteer burnout:
- Remember the reasons you’re a stay-at-home parent.
- Take on only one or two obligations at a time. Keep in mind that each volunteer job requires multiple tasks.
- Limit obligations so that summertime and school breaks aren’t weighed down with volunteer must-dos. Take the time to focus on the kids and have fun together.
Stay-at-home moms and dads have plenty of responsibilities at home. Volunteer for tasks that offer enjoyment and a sense of fulfillment without putting a burden or unneeded stress on the family. Avoid volunteer burnout by staying focused on the reasons behind the choice to parent around the clock. And limit obligations in order to carve out plenty of family time.
Find this article helpful? Also read How to Maintain a Sense of Self as a SAHM and Burnout Management for Full-Time Mums.
Tricia Masenthin - Tricia Masenthin is a freelance journalist and blogger.
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